Nectars of the Gods

^What's he thirsty for?

I’ve been spreading the word about the cow with the soda-fountain udder, and everyone wants a piece of the action. I’ve managed to pop the question to a few dozen folks over the last few weeks, and preliminary results are interesting. But before examining the hottest trends, a little philosophizing is in order.

The quandary, as I see it, is this: one wants at the very least something caffeinated, something alcoholic, something refreshing, and something hot. It’s also nice to have something nourishing. I don’t meant to go any further than this with the psychologizing, but it probably says a lot about someone which of these they opt for, or which they try and combine. for example, I made my alcoholic drink and my refreshing drink one and the same: Chang is a milky rice beer that they make in Nepal. The Newari style, or my favorite example of it (which comes from a hole-in-the-wall in Naradevi) is slightly tart and slightly sweet with a bit of spritz to it. It’s great by itself as a snack or a refreshment and goes well with all sorts of food. As for my other choices, milk is nature’s perfect drink, and can be served up hot or cold. After much deliberation (and a recent bout of over-caffeination) I replaced green tea with tulsi, which is a kind of basil native to India. Really good tulsi tea is divine and could even be iced, if this temperature-fiddling isn’t against my own rules. Sure, there would be times when I craved an IPA, a glass of red wine, or some juice. But I could drink good chang almost anytime, and for fruit juice i’d just eat the fruit. The mouth: nature’s juicer.
My runners up: green tea, salty lassi, Samuel Smith’s oatmeal stout, a good dry red wine (like Salice Salentino). If we’re going to get outlandish, I mean more than we already have, I’d throw in a dessert wine like Muscat de Beaumes de Venise. But that was the point: you have to choose three. Never again shall I taste yr sweet nectar...

So much for my logic. The masses have spoken (yes, those screaming hordes at my doorstep), and the most popular responses are: coffee in various forms (15), beer (10), red wine (8), whiskey (5), grapefruit juice (3). Only one person for orange juice, but lots of people had some kind of juice (total 10). 14 out of 33, almost half, included milk or another dairy product, even if only in their coffee or tea. No one mentioned hot chocolate--but I didn’t conduct this survey in the winter. No one said breast milk, but I didn’t ask any infants.
One-time only answers include: chocolate soy milk, pepsi in a glass bottle, gin and tonic, gatorade, ginger ale, Nepali millet beer, rooibos tea, and mango lassi.

Interestingly, no one took the luxury approach and named, say, vintage champagne or really fancy wine. Goes to show good taste don’t have to be expensive. Neither does bad taste, weird taste, or complete lack of taste. (One respondent, Chris Edley III, did pick a single malt scotch, but later changed it to a cheap bourbon for reasons best known to himself.)

It was predictably common for someone to rattle off three of their favorite drinks after a moment’s consideration, only to realize with a start that they’d forgotten coffee.


Now for the awards:

Most Batshit Insane goes out to The Boat, who chose raw goat’s milk, kombucha and everclear. Boat also tried to name raw honey, until I told him he could have honey even without naming it as one of his three.

Most whiskey-loving goes to Ezra who picked bourbon and scotch for two out of his allotted three.

Most beer-loving goes to Ben M who named IPA and “a good stout” and was stumped to come up with a third.

Most weirdly counterbalanced to Toby Louis David, orator extraordinaire, who chose coconut water, yerba mate, and rye whiskey. Toby’s got his bases covered.

Most desert island-friendly goes to Angela, what with her pineapple juice, coconut milk, and lemonade. You can spot a californian a mile away.

Most eclectic goes to Orion, with Anchor porter, sugarcane juice, and Pu Erh tea.

Most concocted goes to Alden, who included “amla-rhododendron-lemon juice sweetened with agave nectar” as one of his selections, g_d love him.

Most sarcastic goes to J-will, who without missing a beat responded “any three -tinis.” My special contempt goes out to you, J-will, as you will have to suffer for the rest of your days as I make you every kind of -tini you never dreamed of: mochatini, smokatini, gropatini, blokatini... the list goes on.

Congratulations to the winners, especially since neither they nor I knew this was a contest. Any of them are hereby invited to buttonhole me for a free drink any time.

I would be interested to hear what people would choose if we put a localvore-type constraint on this, limiting the choices to beverages produced within one’s local area (bioregion, say, or 100-mile radius, whichever is smaller). Every single ingredient need not be local, but the production should be. If you’re mixing it up yourself, all of the ingredients should be readily available. Here in Northeastern Vermont, my candidates are apple cider, switchel (that’s “water seasoned to taste” with cider vinegar and maple syrup or honey), cow’s milk, and the Double Bag ale or a local IPA. There’s a vodka distillery nearby, but that’s the one kind of booze I never could abide. Go figger. Offbeat choices would include rhubarb wine, mead, pickle juice (Tev? anyone?), a pickletini, fresh maple sap or even straight maple syrup.